Don't Take it Personally
Welcome to issue #08 of Referees Playbook. Each week, I send one short essay that helps sports fans understand the view of a referee.
Embrace the Chaos, Understand Their Intent
Trust me, I get it. I live this reality:
They’re yelling
They’re screaming
They’re in your face
Every system in our bodies switches to fight or flight response.
Because let’s face it, it feels like we’re under attack.
Our natural responses are automatic and hard to manage:
Run and hide in fear
Fight back with aggression
Freeze, and hope they move on
The ultimate mental battle for every referee in a tight high-performance contest.
The ultimate test of mental strength. And the simplest, but most difficult solution?
Don’t Take it Personally.
A Mindset Shift – Things Will Not Go Perfectly
One of the highest mental hurdles I’ve had to jump in recent years is this:
Letting go of the idea that I control a game going perfectly.
The referee’s dream game:
No drama
No controversy
No series incidents
Games where the after-match chat is focused on the brilliance of the players, not on referee decisions.
Matches where we happily fade into the background.
If I were them, I would be doing the same
There is a line that has helped free me as a referee, and how I approach the game:
“If I were them, I would be doing the same.”
This unique perspective shifts my approach and mindset, my reactions, and my point of view toward the players. It enables me to apply judgment in an impersonalized way.
When I expect them:
To protest
To challenge
To apply pressure
It reduces my fight or flight response.
There’s no surprise or frustration that things aren’t perfect.
I Expect Protest, Challenge, and Pressure
Our approach as the referee must consider and acknowledge the perspective and goals of the players.
The likely fact is that if the shoe were on the other foot. If you wore the playing jersey and they held the whistle.
YOU would likely be acting in the exact same way as they do.
We would probably be trying every angle we could to gain an advantage and beat our opposition.
We would protest close decisions.
We would challenge potential mistakes.
We would apply pressure to gain an edge.
This enabled you to understand their intent, without judgment or speculation as to who they are as people.
They’re Not Attacking You as a Person
With this train of thought and mindset in motion:
Things will not go perfectly
I expect protest, challenge, pressure
If I were them, I would be doing the same
A sense of freedom sweeps over you as the reff. Decisions are based only on actions and behaviors. The noise, judgement, and fight or flight response fade.
You simply interpret the data, and ultimately understand:
They’re pulling every lever possible to win the battle.
Our Super Power – Remain Calm and Impartial
From this sense of freedom comes our superior advantage.
We have no interest in who wins or loses.
From this viewpoint. Our ability to remain calm. Act Impartially, and not to take things personally is born.
This is our X-Factor - What separates us from the heat of the battle.
Do you agree?